


From the Heart Alone

by Lyra Sena (lyrasena)



Category: FlashForward
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-19
Updated: 2009-12-19
Packaged: 2017-10-04 16:19:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/32121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lyrasena/pseuds/Lyra%20Sena





	From the Heart Alone

**Author's Note:**

  * For [astrangerenters](https://archiveofourown.org/users/astrangerenters/gifts).



Demetri swung his leg over the chair as he sat down beside Janis. "Hey, wanna grab a beer later?" he asked. She glanced up from her computer, nodding, and saw him run a hand over his eyes, as if he were tired. He had a strange look on his face.

"Sure," she replied, "but you're buying ... cause I spent all my beer money on lip gloss." She looked at him, deadpan, and he rolled his eyes.

Good, she thought, at least he's not lost his sense of humor.

She'd first seen that look at the Academy -- the slightly haunted eyes, brows drawn together, his mouth a tight, thin line. Whatever tension he needed to release or problem he wanted to talk through, Janis was happy he was finally opening up to her again. Since the blackout he'd become closed off, unfamiliar to her almost, their easy friendship out of step.

"I've been on this thing for about an hour," she said, peering at the monitor, "and in that time at least a hundred more people have posted to Mosaic. It keeps growing, Noh. It's getting so big that it's hard to keep up with who's on here _now_, much less analyze and cross-reference any new people." She sighed and twirled in her chair to face him.

"No," he said, before she could speak.

Janis narrowed her eyes. "How do you know what I'm going to say?"

He tapped a finger against the side of his forehead. "You can't get anything past this. And no, we can _not_ pretend like it's the end of the day and go have that beer now." He put his hands on the back of her chair and spun her toward the computer screen. "Get to it, Hawk. Work now. Beer later."

"Wow, you're a real bummer, you know that?" she complained. Demetri was already walking away, though, and simply threw up a hand in response.

***

It had only taken him two days at the Academy to finally make it around to her. Given the limited number of females it surprised her it'd taken him _that_ long. Two days was plenty of time to see him flirt with, smile at, and flatter anyone with boobs. She'd also seen him field strip and re-assemble a Glock 23 in under thirty seconds. She knew what she was dealing with.

"Hi," he said. "Demetri Noh." He stuck out his hand and plastered on the stupidest smile she'd ever seen.

"Yeah, Noh, I know," she replied, and smirked at him.

He raised one eyebrow as if rising to a challenge. "So you've been paying attention to me. I'm ahead already." If he really thought he stood a chance, he was either crazy or dumb. Or both. She immediately liked him.

Unfortunately for Noh, he'd chosen Defensive Tactics class to come on to her, so what happened next was that instead of batting her eyelashes, she punched him in the gut and threw him to the floor.

When he'd gathered his breath, he stood up, rubbed his stomach and said, "You win." That pretty much cemented their friendship.

About ten weeks in, at the halfway point, Janis had thought maybe she wasn't cut out for the FBI. The training was grueling, and though she excelled in academics, she could never shake the feeling of being on the outside – looking in – never being the same as anyone else.

Late one night she and Demetri snuck into the kitchen and raided the freezer, scoring a pint each of Rocky Road ice cream.

"You know," Demetri said, triumphantly pulling out two cartons, "they've been holding out on us. I had no idea there was ice cream."

Janis laughed. "Me either."

He slid to the floor and leaned back against the refrigerator. "The first time I had ice cream," Demetri began, "was when I was ten years old."

Janis raised her eyebrows in surprise, popped open a carton and folded herself down beside him.

"Mmhmmm," he said, nodding. "Crazy, right? My parents came over to the States when I was six, and we were so poor, all living in a tiny apartment. My sister and I slept in the bedroom with my parents… all of us spread out on pallets on the floor. My dad would get up before the sun, leave for work and not come home until dinnertime." He sighed. "Meanwhile, me and my sister went to school, learned English, and were supremely embarrassed whenever our mom came to school for a teacher conference. We'd have to interpret… god, it was so humiliating. But yeah, I was ten years old and we had moved to a new place, again, and we'd been there a couple of days when I heard the jingle of the ice cream truck. My sister and I looked out the window and saw all the kids crammed around the truck, and we begged my mom for some money. We had to share one cone, that's all we could afford, but man, that was the best ice cream I've ever had.

"The rest is what you'd expect," he said. "I grew up, figured out what all my parents sacrificed for me, and decided to try and make something of myself to pay them back."

He dug his spoon into the carton and waited, looking expectantly at her while she continued to shove ice cream in her mouth.

"Uh," Janis said around a mouthful of ice cream, "did you succeed?"

Luckily, Demetri laughed and elbowed her in the ribs. "Just kidding, Noh," she finally said. "Your parents should be really proud of you, look at this, look at you, FBI Academy? You're gonna more than pay them back."

Demetri licked his spoon and nodded, and she thought about her parents – how someday she was going to break their hearts, and even though she knew they would accept her, and continue to love her, she was really not looking forward to the hard conversation she would one day have with them.

Sitting there beside Demetri, shoulders touching in comfortable silence, her guard was lowered, and she felt pliable inside, tender. Somehow the moment felt right, she felt so connected to someone, to _Demetri_, and he would understand, and accept her, so she took a deep breath and cleared her throat.

"So, um, I'm crap at dating," she began, awkwardly. "I mean, I've never had much luck with boys, or you know, with uh, the whole…" she trailed off, and clumsily waved her spoon in the air.

He stared at her. Damn, he was going to make her say it.

"I'm, uh," she sucked in a quick breath and spit it out quickly: "I'm gay."

"Yeah, I…" Demetri started, and something on her face must've looked funny, because he continued, "Geez, feel better now? Uptight much, Hawk? Listen, it's not like I didn't suspect, or _know_, really, and I'm glad you told me, but I'd kinda already figured because… Janis?"

She didn't realize how big a moment it'd be for her, and when she felt something tickle her cheek, she reached up and brushed a tear from her face. Actually, there were several tears on her face, and she was torn between embarrassment and relief.

"Uh, Janis?" Demetri asked, and his voice had just the right amount of compassion and absolutely no pity. "Oh…oh wow, Jesus, Hawk. What the… have you… you've never _told_ anyone that before? You've… I'm the…" he stumbled over himself, "you decided to tell _me?_ I mean, I'm flattered and all, but I can't believe you…wow…it…"

And with that she slapped the back of his head, and they both fell over laughing, and it was one of the best nights she could remember, and continued to be for a really long time. It had been the genesis of her emergence from the tightly constructed shell she'd been living in, and she felt, somehow, that it had been the awakening of complete acceptance of herself.

***

Janis had to yell to be heard over the loud music and drunken chatter. "You realize this is a gay bar!" She got shoved from behind and part of her beer spilled down her shirt.

Demetri smiled and shook his head. "I know," he yelled back, "I thought I'd help you pick up a girl...or should I say 'lady'." His eyes lit up mischievously as he tracked a prospect: stocky build, flannel-clad, and crowned with a dark mullet.

"Not funny," she said. They crammed onto a couple of stools at the end of the bar; years of training left them with the inability to sit with their backs to the door. Demetri surveyed the room.

"Wow, there's actually a lot more to choose from than I realized," he said, with stupid sincerity.

"You are the worst wing man ever," Janis replied, but she laughed anyway.

Demetri took a long swig of beer. "How's the sperm search coming?" he asked, abruptly.

She shrugged her shoulders – she'd told him a few days earlier, on a whim, maybe because she'd hoped it would help them regain a little of the closeness that they'd lost recently. "Did you know that you can custom order a sample?" she asked. "Almost like picking out salad toppings: Yes, I'd like a brunet one, please, with a side of intelligence and a dash of athleticism. Oh, and for good measure, could you throw in a sense of humor? It's weird, actually."

Demetri wrinkled up his nose. "Ridiculous," he agreed. "But, hey, if it's what you want, Janis, then you should have it. If we can change our future, to become what we want it to be, to have what we want… ." He trailed off.

She wasn't going to let him wallow, not tonight. "We can make our future anything, you got it?" She was firm. "Any fucking thing we want."

"You've only had two beers, Hawk, and already the potty mouth comes out. Always a lightweight."

"I'm soaking it up while I can," she said in defense.

The bartender walked by and Demetri raised his hand for another round. He was silent for a minute, looking out over the crowd, lost in thought.

When his drink came, he drank half in one gulp. "Okay," Janis said, "slow down and tell me what's up." She waited.

Demetri turned to her, a serious look in his eyes. "So you really want a baby?" he asked, and she didn't hesitate in her answer: "Yes."

He nodded. "It's just that I've been thinking, you know, about the future. My future, or …lack thereof. And I know – I _know_ – before you start going on about how we can change the future, I know that – I _have_ to believe we can change the future or I might as well give it all up now, right? But I keep thinking… well, even if we can change the future, what if … what if part of how I'm feeling right now is to … augh," he said, in frustration.

"What I'm trying to say is that if you really want to have a kid, then I'll, you know, help you. If you, uh, want." And with that he downed the rest of his beer.

Janis raised her hand. "Another round!" she yelled.

***

When she finally regained some sort of coherency, Janis realized that they'd blasted through several beers and two…or god, was it three… shots of vodka. Also, she was pretty sure that she'd just agreed to have Demetri Noh's sperm injected into her vagina. Yeah, she needed that third shot.

What _was_ clear was that Noh, with his big wonderful heart and amazing selflessness, was going to give her a sample of his sperm, which meant she really needed to start reading up on home insemination. Thinking too hard about it was making her feel blurry; a mixture of excitement and disbelief and probably too much alcohol.

"God," she croaked, looking sadly at the bottom of the shot glass. "What was the name of that band you were in… the Point Guard? Right Guard? Right Point?" She was slurring her words now, half falling off her stool, and she felt superb. Demetri was warm next to her, a solid shoulder holding her up, one of the best friends she'd ever had. Any kid would be lucky to have him as a father. She would be damn proud to have him as _her_ kid's father.

"Liquid Sunshine," he said, shaking his head. "Not even close, Hawk, not even close. C'mon," he goaded, "sing karaoke with me. They're gonna put on 'Don't Stop Believing' next."

"I fucking hate Journey," Janis complained, and Demetri laughed in her face.

"You love it," he teased. "Cause you love _me_. Just not like that."

And that was something she couldn't deny.

***

He wasn't there when his child was born, but Janis knew that somehow, Demetri knew, that he could sense it, and that he would've been proud of them both.


End file.
